The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
