he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
