your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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