Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
