he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Say something about gay babies.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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