wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
