She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
