i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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