Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
