she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
