maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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