if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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