Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
