I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
