my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
