so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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