If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
