i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
