Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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