hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
