took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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