Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
