she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
