Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
