just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
