dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
