I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
