i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
