you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
