I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
well you can't waste a boner
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
