Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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