are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
