I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need a beard to bite.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
