Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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