so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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