thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
