Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
