The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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