im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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