i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
