Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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