Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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