She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
wow bdsm is so cute
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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