Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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