it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
