dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
