At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
