my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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