In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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