she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
