i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
