New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I touched a dick in church today
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
