so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
