Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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