is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
