Already got asked if we're dating
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
