I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
