Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
